That with which I am unequiped

I wasn't going to blog this story but my friend Kim said it was too funny not to, so, it's her fault.

Jonathan's out of town (read: its just me wrestling the boys every night.) This never makes for a fun week, or day or really even an hour. I think our boys need at least two parents. Probably more would be better.

A couple of nights ago, as I was struggling to get Chubalicious out of the bath tub and MRA in to it (trust me, its easier than both in the bath at the same time, really), I look over to see MRA fondling his nether regions. To which I say:

Me: MRA, what are you doing?
MRA: Mama, see my big BOULDERS!
ME: What?
MRA: See my BIG boulders!
Me: Uh, those aren't boulders, buddy.
MRA: Oh, what are they then?
Me: Uum, well, (fumbling) those are called testicles (matter-of-factly.)
MRA: Oh, well, I think there's a BIIIG ball of chocolate in there.

Let me just tell you that there is absolutely no way of hearing that and keeping a straight face.

Have a great weekend!

Would-be Wordless Wednesday!

It is supposed to be wordless, I know. But since I am posting on time and that hasn't happened in a while, well... I just had to say something. Nothing profound or all that funny, but, I am on time!

And to celebrate, I offer TWO photos from last weekend in Orlando. Perhaps tomorrow I can actually find a few minutes to tell you about it!

 

Happy 8th Anniversary To Us

Yesterday was our eigth wedding anniversary! We have made it eight years! We are taking a long weekend in a few weeks for our anniversary so I really wasn't expecting anything AND I was sick so the day wasn't as wonderful and romantic as one might think.

So on my way home I call Jonathan and I am complaining that we should have tried to mark the day better even though I was sick. I am going on and on about the fact that its important and I feel bad that all I did was send flowers and we really should try harder to mark the day with something special even though we are going away soon. And he is letting me go on and on.

And I get home to...

 

I decided to leave it all in place so the boys could see it and they would know that Daddy does nice things for Mama. Let me tell you, they were fascinated. The Notorious MRA mad it halfway through the garage (that's where the trail started) and, with hands on hops, questioned, "Who made this mess?"

 

Chubalicious, on the other hand, came in and immediately started picking up the petals. When he got to my room (where I was standing) he said, very sweetly, "Mama. rose petals made a mess on the floor."

That's when they discovered the food on the bed and the gift.

 

And proceeded to eat half of my chocolates and tear open the gift. The gift was a gift card to a spa that I have wanted to try out and something I am so thankful for.

 

The Notorious MRA, saw the picture of the spa on the brochure that was included and declared it a magical room (yes, I hope so, buddy.) He also declared that he wants to go with me (not a snowball's chance in hell, buddy).

 

Thank you, LB for the wonderful surprise. You always seem to know just when I need it the most. I love you!

It's The Landing That Counts

I took this short video clip the other night. ASA has the funniest little run. We keep trying to capture it before it changes too much.

Everytime I watch it, though, all I can think of is this "West Wing" episode where

Toby talks about President Bartlet's favorite movie and both of them quote sections.

"By God, I'm 50, alive, and the King all at the same time," quotes Bartlet at the mention of his favorite movie.
"I turned it on." Toby tells the President, "just as they got to the scene when Richard, Geoffrey and John were locked in the dungeon and Henry was coming down to execute them. Richard tells his brothers not to cower but to take it like men and Geoffrey says, 'You fool! As if it matters how a man falls down.' And Richard says, 'When the fall's all that's left, it matters a great deal.'"

The Annual Visit

All right friends, the following is a screen shot from my visit to the OB/GYN last week. Their forms are all on-line. After what seemed like more questions than were ever on the old paper forms, I get to this screen.

Please see lines one and two.

Maybe it is apparent to you but, after number one, number two kinda threw me. Do they mean was I an accident? Was I in an accident? Did I cause an accident? After asking if I was adopted I rather sort of think, well, hell, I dunno. 

If you know how to answer this, please let me know.

Happy Monday!

And I Ran, I Ran So Far Awaaayy

I ran a half marathon last weekend. All 13.1 ridiculous miles. My first. Likely not my last. It's my sister-in-laws fault. She had signed up to walk it with some friends and caught me during my post Life's A Beach Triathlon (the Triathlon for Slackers) high.

The half marathon was in Charleston and they advertised shrimp and grits and beer at the end. How could I refuse the opportunity to be back in my city, see some family, and have a great excuse to eat food I love somewhat guilt free?

So I committed. The persuaded Jonathan to commit. And then, my brother committed. I must admit that looking at the 13.1 mile route on the map was daunting but we all began training.

Last Saturday was the big day. The Notorious MRA and ASA both had the flu and the forecast for the event was a sunny 37 degrees. But we persisted. And I bought some "cold gear" to run in.

On the drive up, MRA vomited all over Chik-fil-A and the forecast changed to include WIND! We decided if it rained we were throwing in the towel and sleeping in. We finally made it to South Carolina, dropped the boys off with my parents and were relieved to finally be in a car without incessant hacking coming from the back seat.

My runner friends all insisted that 37 degrees was PERFECT marathon weather but if you know me, I am a cold weather wimp. I turn mean and angry and I say things to people I love that are rude and ugly. I hate to be cold.

Long story short, I did it! We all did it. Chad clocked the winds at 19 mph around mile 10 which is about were my knee gave out (and my headphones died) but we finished. And we finished within our goals. Jonathan was super fast (although he doesn't think so) and my brother and I finished in stride, crossing the finish line together. Robin also finished with a great time.

I could not have crawled another mile.

My mother-in-law asked if I was going to get one of those 13.1 stickers for my car and all I could say was, "NO! I am more proud of 37*F. I'll take one of those stickers.

I loved finishing with my brother and hopefully we will all do it again next year and I learned that I can run in the cold but I can absolutely do without the wind.

And next year I need to add a little Flock of Seagulls (I Ran) to my play list.

And here are the stats so I don't forget them: Charleston Half Marathon Stats

It's a heartbreaker.

As an adult, when I think of a broken heart, I think of some lost love. Maybe even puppy love. I know there are lots of uses for the phrase "...breaking my heart."

Here are a couple of ways that the Notorious MRA has been using the phrase lately:

"Mama, I don't wanna eat that. Eating                breaks my heart."

"Mama, when we have to come inside, it breaks my heart. My heart just feels so so sad."

and,

"Mama, when you make me go to my room, it breaks my heart. It really breaks it, Mama." (To which I would like to respond, "Oh yeah? Well, it breaks my heart when you sucker punch your two year old brother because he walked by you. That breaks my heart, buddy."

On a positive note, although I am unsure where he picked up the phrase, I am glad he is applying it some what correctly.

Its Me and George W.

Do you remember, oh, I dunno, maybe seven years ago or so., that time when George W. was still president and during a press conference a reporter threw a shoe at him?

I know how he feels. Sort of.

Of late, Chubalicious has decided to remove his shoes and socks whenever he is in the car. It started with a shoe then both, then the socks. And now, now, he chucks them at me while I am driving.

So there I am. minding my own business, trying to get him to school or wherever safely and BAM out of no where a sock flies into the front seat. Presently, I am grateful that its usually the socks but on occasion it is the shoes.

Now, unlike the disgruntled reporter in the George W. episode, Chubalicious does not seem to be at all upset. In fact when I ask him why he does this, he giggles like a madman. There are times, as well, when his aim is not so good and I go to get him out of the car seat only to realize he is barefoot. At these moments, when I ask where his socks are, he points to exactly where they landed (usually somewhere in the front console) and says, "Right there, Mama" like its the most natural thing in the world.

I am not offended by this at all although, sometimes, when I am in a hurry, it is quite annoying. I actually have begun to find the whole thing rather funny. And I am quite certain that on years to come, I will remember these moments endearingly or use them in some way to totally embarrass Chubalicious in front of his friends.

I have no idea how George W. remembers his incident.

Have a wonderful weekend, y'all!

Wordless Wednesday

"There is no truth. There is only perception."

So said Gustav Flaubert.

If you asked me to describe my husband, it would be quite different from the description the Notorious MRA gives in the video snippet. I am not sure if my husband is all that happy with the verbals, particularly the wrinkly skin part, but...  the picture part of it is rather nice.

Wordless Wednesday

Mondays

The weekend before last was so much fun. I started the week with an idea for a blog post. It was just a bunch of random bits of funny things I thought I would want to remember years from now, but things that are so small you tend to forget them quickly.

Well, the week got busy. I mean B.U.S.Y. BUSY! and as it kept getting busier, it also kept getting lousier. I would say the low point was when I ended up in the ER with ASA, because not only did he inherit his Daddy's looks but also is tremendously scary allergy to ants, (fire ants in particular) but no that was not the low point.

The picture was taken after the meds kicked in and doesn't really do the hives and swelling justice. Let me put it this way, the doctor said, "I am prescribing a couple of epi-pen jr.s. Keep one in you house and one in your purse, or glove compartment, or taped to his back."

No, the low point, I think, was a few days after the meds kicked in  (extreme moodiness, temper tantrums, an insatiable appetite and no desire to sleep) as this coincided with a full moon, and my husband being out of town - this just about sent me to the dark side.

So this morning, I am hoping that things slowly start to return to normal with the completion of the medicine and the waning of the moon. And I really want to go back and think of all those random cute things they did two weeks ago but, as I suspected, those moments are already gone.

I am left only these two thoughts:

The boys LOVE pumpkin egg nog (only if I leave out the egg in the name thus calling it pumpkin nog). The way MRA says NOG is so adorable - he sounds English.

If ASA tells you to coodabit, he wants you to move over. It took a while to decipher but literally he is saying Scoot A Bit.

Oh, and last night, MRA was watching a movie. I leaned in to give him a hug which he returned and then promptly told me to "Get out of the way." At least I got the hug, though.

Hope you have a great week!

Wordless Wenesday on Thursday

I think Wordless Wednesday on Thursday means I can use a few words. Its just a limited number of words. So with this in mind, I say:

Halloween costumes.
Pirate invsion.
So excited.
AAArgh (all the time).
Did I mention excited?
Not putting on other clothes.
Great Pumpkin had to come and hide said costumes.
So much fun, I'm loving it!

Wordless Wednesday

Wordless Wednesday

Worth Looking Up For

No one tells you that you likely won't remember your child's first step. I thought I would. Both times. And in reality, I don't remember either.

I do remember thinking that MRA would probably start walking while I was in Spain and my parents were watching him. And I think, think, he started walking right after I returned. I am sure I talked about in the letters I write to him. But his first step. The actual first step. I don't remember.

ASA, same thing.

Its funny the things you do remember, though. Or at least what I remember. The most vivid images I have of both MRA and ASA are sometimes doing the most regular things. Sometimes, it is merely their reaction to something that is what creates the strongest memory for me.

We just returned from a week long vacation in which the pool was a VERY important part of the trip and provided hours of entertainment, as it does for most children.

Now if you have been following this blog for a while, you are probably aware that MRA has been taking some form of swimming lesson since he was about 18 months old. The pool is not such a new thing for him. (ASA has had the same lessons, although he is not as fond of the water as MRA is.)

But, back to the Notorious MRA. His most recent swim teach introduced us to this thing called a swim jogger. It is apparently they only floatation device recommended by the Red Cross. You see, the swimmer must still engage their core and can use their arms and legs to practice their strokes, as opposed to the float-y wing things that go on your arms that keep a child afloat at the shoulder level.

We bought one from the teacher and brought it with us.

Back story: Jonathan and I decided we would alternate going to the gym in the mornings. This meant whoever was not at the gym, getting fit in peace and quiet, had both Notorious and Chubalicious in the pool... ALONE.

One of us, and I am not saying who, chose to put the swim jogger on MRA. He fought it at first. However, with in minutes, he realized he could swim. And swim some more. And then when he was a little tired, he could doggie paddle around instead of hanging off me. It was a break through moment for both if us.

I'm telling you, harps were playing and the Angels were literally singing in praise. This meant I only had to hold one baby in the pool.

MRA figured out, very quickly, how to maneuver. HE. WAS. A. SHARK. Within the hour, HE WAS UNSTOPPABLE. And he was having the time of his life.

Enter Daddy.

Jonathan comes strolling into the pool area post work out, spots our things and proceeds to take his shirt off. The three of us are about halfway across the pool.

I'm not sure I will ever forget what happened next.

MRA begins beaming... and screaming, "DADDY LOOK AT ME!, LOOK AT ME DADDY, DADDY LOOK!!!! DADDY LOOK!" And as most of us parents so frequently do, he continued with what he was doing, being so used to hearing "LOOK AT ME!". (I should add here, that if the situation was reversed, I would likely have done the same thing.)

MRA was frantically swimming towards the pool edge closest to Jonathan. I took off after him. I just kept thinking, "Look up. Please look up." I was willing my husband to look up to no avail. I thought, "Should I scream across the pool to get his attention. No, I can't do that. My voice won't carry enough for him to hear me and I will just annoy everyone within earshot."

MRA continued his yelling. Right about then, I got close enough to say, "Look at MRA. He's swimming by himself." And just as the words were coming out Jonathan looked up on his own and praised MRA. (In real time, this all went down in probably 30 seconds.)

The excitement that MRA felt to show off his newly found independence and the joy that spread across that child's face when his Daddy saw him and praised him will be forever burned into my mind.

Later, when the children had fallen asleep, Jonathan and I were talking about what happened. It was such a great reminder to stop and pay attention because that moment, was just that, a moment. We will never get it back. And it was so worth looking up for.

Happy Labor Day weekend, to all!

Shiny, Sparkley Things and A Green Ballon.

MRA is a Scorpio. I am not a big follower of astrology but I think Scorpio's tend to be a bit on the selfish side. MRA is no exception. Part of this is his age, at three and half, it's typical to be egocentric; but, part of it is him. Most definitely.

Now just because he is selfish does not mean he isn't thoughtful. I think sometimes those things can be confused, but MRA is definitely thoughtful. But the thoughtfulness is not consistent... yet. It happens in spurts.

Like this weekend.

On Sunday, while at the grocery store. The man bagging our groceries asked if MRA wanted a balloon. Well, yeah. There was no way he was turning down a balloon and immediately asked if he could have a green one. So, with the groceries bagged, we pushed our race car shaped cart over to the helium tank to wait for the prized green balloon.

The man attached the balloon to a white ribbon, tied a loop at the end and slid it onto MRA's little hand. I had prompted him to say thank you and was waiting for him to show a little graciousness. But instead, instead, MRA said, "Can I have another one, a blue one, for my brother?"

ASA was at home with Daddy. Out of sight, out of mind... or so I thought. MRA's thoughtfulness struck me hard and I felt a well of pride in him.

It didn't end there though. I had also taken MRA to the store to make a return. On the way, I may have been a little side tracked by another store. And, I may have walked in. My intention was just a quick peek but I ended up in the dressing room.

MRA spotted a display of necklaces and pulled off several of the biggest, chunkiest, most colorful and sparkly necklaces there and brought them to me insisting that I put them on. All of them. At the same time.

I did and then tried to explain to him that I was not going to buy them and asked if he would put them back. He stared down at the twinkling, sparkling faux jewels in his hand and returned all but one. Then he ran off to hide in the racks. I checked out and was about to leave when he came bouncing out and said, "Mama, what about this one?"

I tried to explain that I had already paid and since he was busy playing he missed his opportunity to pay for the necklace. This discussion went on for several minutes and he became more and more upset. I could sense the melt down coming. Choosing my battles, I returned to the checkout counter with MRA still clutching the necklace and asked the sales lady the price. It was on clearance and came to a total of $8.48. So we bought it.

MRA was so very proud and carried it in the little bag out of the store. But first he explained to me and the sales lady (and the sales lady in the next store). That the necklace was for me. To wear when I have been good. To wear to work. And when I did, my boss would think I'm pretty.

Oh, the sweetness (and thoughtfulness). Never mind that he has no clue whether my boss is a man or a woman or whether my boss would care about my necklace. He just wanted me to be pretty.

To MRA, I say good thinking, little MRA. Sparkly shiny things, especially jewelry, often make us feel pretty. But so do kindness and thoughtfulness and showing that you care about others. Please remember that when you are in your twenties.

And I don't mind the necklace one bit!

Wordless Wednesday

The Notorious Putt Putter

If you want to play putt putt, you need to play with this Notorious little dude.

This was his first time on the greens and while he did not quite master the game, he certainly mastered the art of direction. MRA was excellant at directing the order of play at each hole. But my favorite thing about playing putt putt with him is this: after my first putt, no matter where my ball ended up, MRA would find it and say, "No Mama, don't hit it yet. I'll get it closer for you," and then he would move my ball to within an inch or two of the hole and say, "Ok, now you can hit it into the hole."

Now I could get used to playing like that!

Happy Monday!

The Dichotomy of Motherhood

I think the following video illustrates it best. You see, as I was videoing, I was thinking;

Aaaaaaw, isn't he cute. I need to get this singing on video before he stops singing in public and I can't remember what he sounded like. Chubalicious is pure sugar. I love him.

and at the EXACT same time, I was also thinking;

PLEASE! Sit the ^&*% down and eat your dinner. I am OUTSIDE! IN FLORIDA! IN JUNE! I. AM. MELTING! I just felt sweat trickle down the back of my knee. THE BACK OF MY KNEE. JUST effing eat so we can go inside. GAAAAAAHHHHHH.

This may also just mean that I need meds.