Wednesday, August 31, 2011
Thursday, August 25, 2011
Monday, August 22, 2011
39 weeks and 5 days
Tomorrow is the big day and I still have my ankles! I also have some love handles but let's focus on the ankles.
Since I won't be posting for a few days, I thought I would say, HAPPY BIRTHDAY to my new baby boy - ASA. I love you already.
Since I won't be posting for a few days, I thought I would say, HAPPY BIRTHDAY to my new baby boy - ASA. I love you already.
Saturday, August 20, 2011
Three Days and Counting - The Roller Coaster Ride
When I was11 or 12, my dad took me to Kings Dominion. The latest, newest, scariest, most hardcore roller coaster had just opened up. It was called The Grizzly and it was a wooden ride that creaked and swayed as it hurled through a double figure eight and dropped you the through the forest.
Of course we had to ride it. And, of course, we waited a little longer in line to ride in the first car. Because, we could tame The Grizzly, no problem.
This is my roller coaster MO. I am not scared of the first car. That is until it starts creaking its way slowly up the first and largest and most terrifying hill. And when you get to the top of that hill, the operator lets the first car slide just barely over the peak, dangling you there, teasing you.
Its usually at this moment that I start thinking, "What the hell was I thinking?" What am I doing up here?" this is quickly followed by a serious of fast thoughts...
-There's no way to get off.
-You are going to have to suck it up.
-Lame-er people than I have done this
-You cannot complain because you acted all hardcore and wanted to sit in the front car and talked too big of a game about it.
_CRAP!
And then the roller coaster car drops, along with my heart and stomach and the ride is over way too fast and I am considering standing in line to do it all over again.
This is much like being 3 days away from having a second baby (at least for me). I feel like I am dangling over the highest, scariest peak and thinking, "Holy crap, what have we done?' The quick thoughts are much the same:
- I can't get out of this now
-You are going to have to suck it up
-Lame-er people than us have managed
-You cannot complain because you both decided together not to return to using birth control
-CRAP!
I know that the ride is going to be over way too fast and at the end, I will be thrilled and have no regrets.
I also know that there won't be a third ride. After all, taming The Grizzly, meh... not so hard,; taming MRA and ASA, on the other hand, well.. that could take a lifetime.
Of course we had to ride it. And, of course, we waited a little longer in line to ride in the first car. Because, we could tame The Grizzly, no problem.
This is my roller coaster MO. I am not scared of the first car. That is until it starts creaking its way slowly up the first and largest and most terrifying hill. And when you get to the top of that hill, the operator lets the first car slide just barely over the peak, dangling you there, teasing you.
Its usually at this moment that I start thinking, "What the hell was I thinking?" What am I doing up here?" this is quickly followed by a serious of fast thoughts...
-There's no way to get off.
-You are going to have to suck it up.
-Lame-er people than I have done this
-You cannot complain because you acted all hardcore and wanted to sit in the front car and talked too big of a game about it.
_CRAP!
And then the roller coaster car drops, along with my heart and stomach and the ride is over way too fast and I am considering standing in line to do it all over again.
This is much like being 3 days away from having a second baby (at least for me). I feel like I am dangling over the highest, scariest peak and thinking, "Holy crap, what have we done?' The quick thoughts are much the same:
- I can't get out of this now
-You are going to have to suck it up
-Lame-er people than us have managed
-You cannot complain because you both decided together not to return to using birth control
-CRAP!
I know that the ride is going to be over way too fast and at the end, I will be thrilled and have no regrets.
I also know that there won't be a third ride. After all, taming The Grizzly, meh... not so hard,; taming MRA and ASA, on the other hand, well.. that could take a lifetime.
Thursday, August 18, 2011
Domestic Enemies of the Pregnant Mom
From the Pregnant Chicken - 8/16/2011
-------------------------------------------------------
The Stephen King Storyteller. Gather round kids, it's birth Story Time. Want to hear about a horrible episiotomy? No? Tough, you're pregnant so that means that it's compulsory for you to hearing about every disgusting birth detail from the woman in line at the bank. After all, it's important to know how your next door neighbor lost her mucus plug at a BBQ. (Gork)
The Lame Namer. It’s doubtful that you and your partner have put a lot of thought into choosing a name so it’s important these folks weigh in on this decision with a couple of names they thought of on the way into work. Plus, they hate the name you were thinking of because if reminds them of a girl in high school that had a funny birthmark on her chin. Just nod and say you'll consider KanDi with a heart over the "i" and leave it at that.
The XS XL Examiner. This is the person that will ask you if there's two in there or are you sure you aren't due tomorrow instead of three months. This is the same person that will point out how tiny you are if they feel this the case as well. "Where are you hiding it?" "It looks like you've swallowed a grape." It's hard to say if it's supposed to be funny or a compliment but they usually make you feel like you should either be shot and mounted over a fireplace or that something is wrong with your now creepy, peanut baby.
The Eliza Boo Little. Just you wait Henry Higgins! This person jumps in anytime you look like you're just a little too happy about having a baby and says "Just you wait until the baby comes. You'll never sleep, eat, laugh, breathe, screw, or go to Cincinnati again!". Clearly you don't realize how difficult it is to have a baby so it’s up to them to make sure you don’t get too excited. Babies are awful. Stupid babies.
Dr. Oz It really is amazing that you made it as far as you have considering how reckless you're being with your diet and daily routine. Normally they wouldn’t care of course, but seeing as there’s a baby involved, they'd better get in there and smack that coffee out of her hand; or better yet, just give some dirty looks and shake their head. That will teach you. After all, they don’t want their tax dollars going towards your kid’s tail removal someday.
The Accidental Whorist. Such a charming question to ask someone if their pregnancy was an accident. It's important for these folks to let you know that they don't approve of your reproductive schedule and perhaps you should consult them next time. Clearly you are too, young, old, fertile, fat, funny or tall to have a baby at this juncture in your life and frankly they are surprised at your utter lack of judgement. These are the same people that say, "Didn't you see that?" when you stub your toe and who don't like pizza. They're just pointless.
The Sex Obessesed. Surely if you already have a girl, you're going to want a boy and vice versa. If you don't have any children they may assume you want a girl and your partner wants a boy because that's how it works. These are also the people that will swallow their tongues if you say you aren't finding out the sex. "Don't you want to know?!", "That would drive me crazy!" Perhaps it has, Asshat. Perhaps it already has.
The Egg Inquisitioner. This is the person that asks you if you've conceived naturally. It's classy because, if you're used fertility treatments you have to reveal a very person, private part of you life and if you didn’t, then you also has to reveal a very person, private part of you life. It's a delicious catch 22 and there is no tactful way to answer this so feel free to just fart and walk away.
The Surprised Blow Up Doll. These are the folks that chime in around 37 weeks and say things like “Are you STILL pregnant.” and “Haven’t you had that baby yet?” and extra helpful “I guess it just doesn’t want to come out” – which is nice because it points out the delivery you are *clearly* putting off and it’s a little gross too.
The Silver Back Belly Toucher. Oh, you just knew if was coming. We all love the folks that just walk up and start molesting your stomach. It's especially nice when you're sister-in-law's boyfriend that smells like cheese does it and makes a “MMmmmm” noise at the same time.
This is my personal rule of thumb with this one: if you would be comfortable with them touching your thigh when not pregnant, then they would probably be okay to touch your belly....with permission.....and a hazmat suit......holding chocolate. You know, like when your girlfriend taps your leg at the movie theatre and says, "Oh my God, I forgot to tell you that I slept with David Beckham!" – I feel she would be okay to touch your belly.
Most of you are going to totally get this list yet there are always a few people that think they just can't win when it comes to pregnant woman. I would argue that pregnant gals have to deal with things like heartburn, nausea, hemorrhoids and learning what perineum is and none of us should have to know about the taint, so no. No, you can't win. Sorry. I hate to be the one to break it to you but it's best you know [insert thigh pat here.]
As for what we all should say to a pregnant woman, I love this comment that was left on the blog:
"I could see this guy eyeballing me in the elevator despite my best efforts to focus on the numbers. Right before he got off the elevator. He paused, looked at me and said, 'I bet you will have a beautiful baby.'"
I like to think he looked like David Beckham.
http://www.rantsfrommommyland.com/
-------------------------------------------------------
The Stephen King Storyteller. Gather round kids, it's birth Story Time. Want to hear about a horrible episiotomy? No? Tough, you're pregnant so that means that it's compulsory for you to hearing about every disgusting birth detail from the woman in line at the bank. After all, it's important to know how your next door neighbor lost her mucus plug at a BBQ. (Gork)
The Lame Namer. It’s doubtful that you and your partner have put a lot of thought into choosing a name so it’s important these folks weigh in on this decision with a couple of names they thought of on the way into work. Plus, they hate the name you were thinking of because if reminds them of a girl in high school that had a funny birthmark on her chin. Just nod and say you'll consider KanDi with a heart over the "i" and leave it at that.
The XS XL Examiner. This is the person that will ask you if there's two in there or are you sure you aren't due tomorrow instead of three months. This is the same person that will point out how tiny you are if they feel this the case as well. "Where are you hiding it?" "It looks like you've swallowed a grape." It's hard to say if it's supposed to be funny or a compliment but they usually make you feel like you should either be shot and mounted over a fireplace or that something is wrong with your now creepy, peanut baby.
The Eliza Boo Little. Just you wait Henry Higgins! This person jumps in anytime you look like you're just a little too happy about having a baby and says "Just you wait until the baby comes. You'll never sleep, eat, laugh, breathe, screw, or go to Cincinnati again!". Clearly you don't realize how difficult it is to have a baby so it’s up to them to make sure you don’t get too excited. Babies are awful. Stupid babies.
Dr. Oz It really is amazing that you made it as far as you have considering how reckless you're being with your diet and daily routine. Normally they wouldn’t care of course, but seeing as there’s a baby involved, they'd better get in there and smack that coffee out of her hand; or better yet, just give some dirty looks and shake their head. That will teach you. After all, they don’t want their tax dollars going towards your kid’s tail removal someday.
The Accidental Whorist. Such a charming question to ask someone if their pregnancy was an accident. It's important for these folks to let you know that they don't approve of your reproductive schedule and perhaps you should consult them next time. Clearly you are too, young, old, fertile, fat, funny or tall to have a baby at this juncture in your life and frankly they are surprised at your utter lack of judgement. These are the same people that say, "Didn't you see that?" when you stub your toe and who don't like pizza. They're just pointless.
The Sex Obessesed. Surely if you already have a girl, you're going to want a boy and vice versa. If you don't have any children they may assume you want a girl and your partner wants a boy because that's how it works. These are also the people that will swallow their tongues if you say you aren't finding out the sex. "Don't you want to know?!", "That would drive me crazy!" Perhaps it has, Asshat. Perhaps it already has.
The Egg Inquisitioner. This is the person that asks you if you've conceived naturally. It's classy because, if you're used fertility treatments you have to reveal a very person, private part of you life and if you didn’t, then you also has to reveal a very person, private part of you life. It's a delicious catch 22 and there is no tactful way to answer this so feel free to just fart and walk away.
The Surprised Blow Up Doll. These are the folks that chime in around 37 weeks and say things like “Are you STILL pregnant.” and “Haven’t you had that baby yet?” and extra helpful “I guess it just doesn’t want to come out” – which is nice because it points out the delivery you are *clearly* putting off and it’s a little gross too.
The Silver Back Belly Toucher. Oh, you just knew if was coming. We all love the folks that just walk up and start molesting your stomach. It's especially nice when you're sister-in-law's boyfriend that smells like cheese does it and makes a “MMmmmm” noise at the same time.
This is my personal rule of thumb with this one: if you would be comfortable with them touching your thigh when not pregnant, then they would probably be okay to touch your belly....with permission.....and a hazmat suit......holding chocolate. You know, like when your girlfriend taps your leg at the movie theatre and says, "Oh my God, I forgot to tell you that I slept with David Beckham!" – I feel she would be okay to touch your belly.
Most of you are going to totally get this list yet there are always a few people that think they just can't win when it comes to pregnant woman. I would argue that pregnant gals have to deal with things like heartburn, nausea, hemorrhoids and learning what perineum is and none of us should have to know about the taint, so no. No, you can't win. Sorry. I hate to be the one to break it to you but it's best you know [insert thigh pat here.]
As for what we all should say to a pregnant woman, I love this comment that was left on the blog:
"I could see this guy eyeballing me in the elevator despite my best efforts to focus on the numbers. Right before he got off the elevator. He paused, looked at me and said, 'I bet you will have a beautiful baby.'"
I like to think he looked like David Beckham.
http://www.rantsfrommommyland.com/
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
Now that's the life...
Most of the time I am pretty happy to be an adult. Being a kid was not so much fun (as I remember it) and high school was downright miserable.
But every now and then, I see MRA and I think, hmmmm, life aint so bad when you are one. (I also frequently think this about Cooper. Being a dog, in our house, is a pretty sweet gig.)
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
No room at the Hotel Womb
Dear ASA,
I am excited to inform you that your stay at the Hotel Womb is nearly over. Hotel management needs a vacancy. I know you are warm and comfy and settled in but there is a lot of good stuff in store for you in your new home. Most importantly, there is a lot more room out here and you have a fabulous nursery, a great big brother, and a mostly great dog all awaiting you.
Hotel management (read: Mamma) would also like to eat sushi again, have more than a modest glass of wine (not to mention a margarita), wear shoes that buckle (particularly the brand new wedges bought this year), and lay on my back without getting light-headed. I would also like for you to discover toys that are meant to be squeezed - this does not include my bladder although you seem to have different ideas about that.
I can't wait to meet you when you are done baking! See you in less than 2 weeks baby boy!
XXOX
I am excited to inform you that your stay at the Hotel Womb is nearly over. Hotel management needs a vacancy. I know you are warm and comfy and settled in but there is a lot of good stuff in store for you in your new home. Most importantly, there is a lot more room out here and you have a fabulous nursery, a great big brother, and a mostly great dog all awaiting you.
Hotel management (read: Mamma) would also like to eat sushi again, have more than a modest glass of wine (not to mention a margarita), wear shoes that buckle (particularly the brand new wedges bought this year), and lay on my back without getting light-headed. I would also like for you to discover toys that are meant to be squeezed - this does not include my bladder although you seem to have different ideas about that.
I can't wait to meet you when you are done baking! See you in less than 2 weeks baby boy!
XXOX
Friday, August 5, 2011
The cost of a snuggle
Yesterday morning when MRA woke up and I went into his room, he and I decided some snuggle time was in order, or so I thought. As soon as I climbed in the bed, however, he began pushing me out and demanding muck, muck, muck (milk).
So, I promptly when downstairs and made some milk with Ovaltine which apparently was my ticket to snuggle. When I got back upstairs, MRA was quite pleased to have his cup of muck.
Not really thinking that he would understand, I said, "Gee, I really wish some one would bring mamma her favorite drink in the morning."
To which MRA replied, "Coffeee. Coffee."
I am somewhat relieved that he did not say, "Wine!"
Cheers and happy Friday!
So, I promptly when downstairs and made some milk with Ovaltine which apparently was my ticket to snuggle. When I got back upstairs, MRA was quite pleased to have his cup of muck.
Not really thinking that he would understand, I said, "Gee, I really wish some one would bring mamma her favorite drink in the morning."
To which MRA replied, "Coffeee. Coffee."
I am somewhat relieved that he did not say, "Wine!"
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
Sooooo, we are at THAT point in our relationship
Saturday night, date night.
Trusted friend and daughter come over to render babysitting services.
Hubby and I head out for a quick bite to eat and a movie.
Movie of choice - "Friends With Benefits". Funny movie, definitely all adult comedy. Its an adult kinda night.
Pre-movie conversation -
Me: " Did you see the package that just came from Amazon?"
Him: "No, what was it?"
Me: "New jar of butt paste. There is new packaging."
Him: "Whats it look like?"
Me: "Kinda the same tub as before but it has a new flip top. You don't have to unscrew it on and off anymore. Its awesome. Why didn't they think of that sooner?"
Him: "That is a nice feature."
Me: "Oh my God, I can't believe I just got excited over butt paste packaging."
Not only was there excitement but enough to talk about during what was surely our last date night for the foreseeable future.
Yeah, we really know how to bring sexy back!
Trusted friend and daughter come over to render babysitting services.
Hubby and I head out for a quick bite to eat and a movie.
Movie of choice - "Friends With Benefits". Funny movie, definitely all adult comedy. Its an adult kinda night.
Pre-movie conversation -
Me: " Did you see the package that just came from Amazon?"
Him: "No, what was it?"
Me: "New jar of butt paste. There is new packaging."
Him: "Whats it look like?"
Me: "Kinda the same tub as before but it has a new flip top. You don't have to unscrew it on and off anymore. Its awesome. Why didn't they think of that sooner?"
Him: "That is a nice feature."
Me: "Oh my God, I can't believe I just got excited over butt paste packaging."
Not only was there excitement but enough to talk about during what was surely our last date night for the foreseeable future.
Yeah, we really know how to bring sexy back!
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