Death by alligator

Did you know, it is possible to have extremely self-destructive thoughts, nearly suicidal, and actually not be suicidal or depressed.

Its true and it happened to me this weekend.

My niece is visiting from North Carolina. We wanted to show her things Floridian that are less common in good 'ole NC.

So, last Sunday, we took her and the Notorious MRA out to Myakka State Park. We spent some time hiking and climbed up into the canopy walk. MRA wanted to wok (walk) or uppp (be carried) alternately, so we all got our exercise.

At the last minute, we decide it would be fun to take an air boat tour so that Alyssa (said niece) could get a good look at the alligators and herons, etc.

Did I mention that this decision was at the last minute and also right at lunchtime/nap time?

In true form, we are the last people to board the completely full boat and thus, our seats are not near each other nor a window.

I have the pleasure of holding MRA on my lap and the boat takes off...slowly, veeerrrrrry slowly - because, wooow-wee, as luck would have it, all the gators are out and everyone from Ohio (which may have been everyone but us) wants to see them. So three deep into the interior of the boat, with little air movement and no window view, some one begins to get a little bit fussy.

All is relatively well until I run out of grapes to feed him and then the Notorious MRA wants to run up and down the aisle, which one cannot do during an air boat tour. He absolutely DOES NOT want to be held. The more I try to hold him, the more he tries to wriggle free and the sweatier (more sweaty?) he and I both get.

As the temper tantrum mounts, the looks from the other passengers change from sympathetic to "your kid is ruining my ride - can't you shut him up!"

And, I don't really have it in me to relive the intensity of the experience but rest assured it was intense. So intense that there was a moment, actually more like 10 minutes, that I considered which would be more painful - continuing to try and hold MRA or jumping in with the alligators.

In the end, I decided that jumping in with the alligators was the better option because if they ate me it would probably be over before the boat ride; but then the girl next to the window offered to switch seats and for the last 10-15 minutes MRA got to look out the window and the passengers could listen to our guide discuss Florida waterfowl.

I am pretty sure that teenager had no idea that she potentially saved MRA from being motherless.

Since getting off the air boat, I have not thought once about swimming with alligators. But, then again, it could have just been the peace and quiet on the way home.