Let's talk About Sex

Actually, let's talk about with whom its appropriate to talk about sex. In my opinion, the list includes my husband, my girlfriends, my sister, my sister-in-law, and I am sure I am leaving some one out but... who?

More importantly, maybe, is the list of people with whom it is NOT appropriate to discuss sex. This list includes parents, and aunts and uncles when the topic involves your own parents. Same goes for my parent's friends.

Sorry, I don't want to hear it. Quite frankly, my mom is the most asexual person I know. If you had been listening in on the our "Birds and Bees" conversation, you would understand. I am not sure there could have been a more clinical explanation. And at the time, it sounded gross. Love and passion were not even a possiblity. It was something a man and a woman did to have a baby (which I am not denying is true, but, clinical nonetheless).

As a result, I am sure the only times my parents have had sex resulted in pregnancies with the exception of the time I walked in on them, when I was, like, five - which also, convieniently, explains why there was no resulting pregnancy.

Now, you can imagine my shock and disgust to read responses to several emails my mom sent to... well, almost everyone she knows regarding how romantic the city of Venice, Italy is and how much she and my father are enjoying themselves.

First, from one of her best friends (a woman who I adore), an email inquiring if we should be expecting an addition to the family as a result of this trip.

This comment took me by such surprise that it took me a few minutes to realize that she was referring to my parents. At first I thought it was me and then I thought that surely she knows I had my tubes tied. Maybe she thinks my sister is pregnant but she is not on a trip. Then, finally, came the eeew eeew eeew revelation that she was talking about my 70 year old parental unit.

That is when my eyes started burning a bit.

THEN, my Uncle chimes in with this, "…..so let’s test your  hypothesis, since your arrival in the “Most Romantic City” two days ago,   how many times have you accomplished the deed?"

Whhaaaattt? That is when I think I went blind for a few minutes and emailed everyone with a cease and desist request.

Of course my 70 year old mother tries a witty comeback and responds with, "wouldn't you like the real story....sorry....classified." Except, she sends it to me instead of my Uncle (insert major hand slap to my forehead here).

Yeah, she couldn't possibly be "accomplishing the deed" when she can't figure out who to reply to, right? Never mind I don't want to think about it.

I am so thankful I married a man with a normal family. They are coming to visit next week. And, they bring me yummy coffee drinks and I am sure we won't talk about them having sex.

Have a great weekend everyone.